tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058509901539355172024-03-13T08:07:08.427-04:00Walking in the Light of LifeUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-35501066609529718982010-06-17T23:00:00.001-04:002010-06-17T23:02:38.546-04:00WHAT YOU SEE IS NOT OF ME!What you see is not of me<br />I am no hero to be praised<br />successes are not of my hand<br />God is the ONE that has set them free<br /> <br />Children all around me sure,<br />is this the reason for<br />many of you to look at me and<br />count your part as obscure?<br /> <br />God has called us each by name <br />to serve His kingdom by<br />working our corners to reach them all <br />the broken, downtrodden and the lame<br /> <br />Beyond this call- throughout His WORD<br />is a special call to each<br />a group often seen as too small <br />to ever have to reach<br /> <br />This group s the orphan child <br />seen as anything but grand<br />they are broken, downtrodden, lame and poor<br />yet with our eyes we cannot stand<br /> <br />We turn the channel, tune out our ears<br />for fear we might be touched<br />the numbers are too large for us<br />and the pictures bring only tears<br /> <br />The call God has lain for us<br />is to set aside our rest<br />set loose the captive, feed the hungry <br />and make the homeless man our guest<br /> <br />The numbers, stats, pictures and more<br />are not the reason for defeat;<br />but our hearts, unwilling to move<br />to ever the challenge meet.<br /> <br />If only you could understand<br />that this is not of us-<br />We have no power for this call laid before us<br />It is GOD in us- THIS is how we stand.<br /> <br />For then you will truly see<br />I am no hero to be praised<br />GOD is the ONE that will set you free<br />Then you will know- what you see is not of me!<br />-M. Ruth Smith- May 2010Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-60082153490459403492009-09-09T09:29:00.001-04:002009-09-09T09:31:18.618-04:00Who I am(I wrote this in 2006 and just recently found it again... I guess I needed the reminder :)<br /><br />What you do, your actions and your job, are not who you are. Seems simple enough; I’ve heard lots of people say this statement, in fact people everywhere quote it like they know it to be true.<br /><br />Truth is I’ve said it before too. I told people out of frustration, that my job did not define who I was. The frustration was there because I was not satisfied by my job and I was insecure about what it said about me. At the time, my friends were electrical engineers, executives in their companies, managers, directors, teachers, etc. So what was the picture I saw of myself? Failure.<br /><br />I’ve just recently discovered that my life’s pride (self worth), confidence and self-esteem have always been based on what I did. Not just my job, but how I proved myself in any situation… was how I performed. This could be displayed by singing on stage or in a choir, the first question out of my mouth every time I was done…. “How did I do?” The question should have been… well, there shouldn’t have been a question. <br /><br />It was displayed at work. Anytime I felt that I had messed up, it was more than a mistake it was a failure. I was a failure. Therefore, I made the company look like a failure, and it was all my fault. <br /><br />So what happens to pride (self worth) confidence and self esteem when you have failed and knocked your foundation out from under yourself? It disappears too. Then you are left with a great big defense mechanism to put to work. Because apparently, there is a demand inside you that requires you to know that you count for something. So when you have lost your worth and failed, that means that something inside you snaps, and you are left with fighting for something that you don’t even believe exists. Your worth. Basically, you are left with an ugly defense that only comes out when you are threatened by your inability to succeed.<br /><br />Confused? So was I. I didn’t believe that I had anything to offer. I was/ am fat; I thought that defined my beauty. I am short; I thought that defined my part of ability. I was strong; I thought that defined my feminity. I only had a high school diploma. I thought that made me second class. Basically, anything I did have I thought was worthless.<br /><br />Then I was told all these wonderful things about my features, personality, presence, voice etc. I believed them to be lies. Because all previous experience told me that I was worthless. I was told by a boy that I liked that I made him sick with even the idea of dating me. I was told that I was useless and definitely not worth dating if no one else had wanted to date me. I was told that my family was the reason that I could not be dated. I was told that my name should have been bacon instead of Megan because that described me better. <br /><br /><br />See what I mean? Absolutely worthless. I wasn’t worth a plug nickel, as my mom says.<br /><br />My experiences, which I told everyone didn’t affect me, did in fact change my perspective of what I was and what I had to offer this world. I didn’t fight for schooling, because what would I go for, after all I couldn’t do anything that was worth anything. I didn’t go after a career, because after all I didn’t have any skills.<br />And I definitely didn’t go after any more guys because, well what would they see, but what I had already been told was there?<br /><br /> So for the longest time (actually my entire “adult” life), everything that I believed I had that was worth anything, was the works that I did. Whether it was using the office skills I had learned, or working with children, these were what I based my confidence on.<br /><br />Now I’m sitting here and being told that what I do is not who I am. Then who the heck am I? Working was the one thing I could offer this world, was the only thing I based my confidence in and now you are telling me that it’s not who I am?!!?<br /><br />Taking my work away from me is like taking an actors career away from them. They have shown the whole world that this is what they do for a living. So to take it away from them not only takes their identity away, but also their livelihood. This is what has just happened to me. <br /><br />My job was taken away. I wish I could even say that I was fired or something, but no. God lead me away, and told me to leave. I said I’ll do things in my own timing, thank you very much; He said no, leave NOW, then proceeded to make things very difficult for me, until I finally did obey.<br /><br />Now not only have I left my job, but it had turned into my passion in life, so that was taken away too. In fact my passion and dreams were taken away from me twice. Part of my works based identity went with both of them.<br /><br />Right at this moment, I am sitting in a place where all my confidence has left me. I can’t find a job and I’m in anguish every time someone asks what I do for a living. That question by the way is one of the most popular in American society. But that is another subject for another day. <br /><br />I hate being asked what I do, why? Because I have no job and that in my head has been the same thing as having no identity or worth or confidence or anything. I feel like a failure every time someone decides to ask that question.<br /><br />So who am I? Who do I say I am when asked this question? What do I place my identity in now? Well, right now it’s being removed and replaced, into where it should have been in the first place. In my heavenly Father.<br /><br />My identity is this, I am His daughter. A princess. Beautifully created in His image. Like any daughter I have the inheritance of my Father. What daughter doesn’t have their Father’s love, unconditional, unhindered, inconceivable, and non- works based LOVE.<br /><br />One of my biggest loves in life right now is children. And it was brought to my attention that the way that I love those kids is in a way the same way the Father loves me. Just being with kids makes me smile, they can even be naughty as all get out and still I can smile about them. Same with the Father. I make Him smile, even when I’m as naughty as all get out.<br /><br />There are some children that literally squeal with delight when I walk in a room, so does my Father. <br /><br />There are some kids that ask their parent’s to leave so I can come and be with them. My Father asks people and things to leave so He can be with me.<br /><br />I watch the little kids sleep, they are so peaceful and beautiful I just can’t help it. My Father can’t help but watch me.<br /><br />My new identity is a much stronger foundation for life, because no one on this earth or around it can take it away from me. No one can threaten me with my inability to be loved by my Father, because only He can do that. And He won’t.<br /><br />Work is not who I am anymore. I guess it kinda helped that all work was taken away from me, so I could see how worthless it is. What is worth EVERYTHING is my Father and His LOVE for me.<br /><br />And guess what!? I am no longer worthless, ugly, unable or unfeminine. I am above all things HIS, and that my friend makes me BEAUTIFUL.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-21572176948784299552009-01-26T15:05:00.005-05:002009-01-26T16:38:22.679-05:00Passionate Pursuit<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SX4qmO1Sr9I/AAAAAAAAAE8/cR5DtjKZe7c/s1600-h/pursuit.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 85px; height: 127px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SX4qmO1Sr9I/AAAAAAAAAE8/cR5DtjKZe7c/s320/pursuit.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5295717048139296722" border="0" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal">This week has been interesting. A time when I feel like I was turning away yet again, and instead of the normal proceedings, I heard him calling me home. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Somewhere in the middle of last week I heard the voice of my Father saying “O Lord, you have searched me and known me, you know when I sit down and when I rise up; you understand my thought from afar…etc” I heard him telling me that no matter what I was thinking or how bad I was- I was not going to get rid of him and his plans for me. It captured my heart/mind/spirit/ soul. I was mesmerized by this God of mine. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>You see, for months I have been praying- actually it’s more like years- that God would show me where he wanted me or more like it- I prayed that he would develop in me a passion that defined where and what he wanted me to do. I believe he gave me a glimpse of that vision several years ago; I got so excited that I started making calls on it right away and thinking that was going to be my next job. Boy was I disappointed when I got this job at Miedema’s. Not that they were bad, but it wasn’t this beautiful vision!<br /><o:p></o:p><br />The more that I’ve been praying lately – the more I feel like this vision is getting closer. The closer it gets the more inadequate I feel. The more inadequate I feel- the more I fear and have the tendency to run away. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>So, I’ve been not running, but I have been turning away. I fear the changes and yet I’m excited about them too… tell me how that makes any sense? I know that the world in which I live is going to change dramatically- and yet I still fear it. What’s wrong with me? But this week I have found my LORD chasing me. I’ve felt it down to my toes. It’s a wonderful feeling to know that my LORD wants me and loves me.<br /><o:p></o:p><br />It started with Psalms 139 going through my head over and over again. I heard him telling me in those words that I am not getting away. Then as I was listening to the radio I hear other people talk about their own journey and the fact that they run away too when they are bad, or are afraid. In fact it wasn’t even one of my favorite bands, but I love this song now. (<st1:street st="on"><st1:address st="on">10<sup>th</sup> Avenue North-</st1:address></st1:street> By Your Side.)<br /><o:p></o:p><br />As I listened to them explain the song and how it’s God speaking to us when we turn away from him and how he’s begging us to turn to him… it broke another part of me. I understood immediately that the message was for me. I don’t even listen to that station –hardly ever! “Megan- don’t turn from me- turn to my arms and lean on them!!! This isn’t yours, it’s mine!”<br /><o:p></o:p><br />Then as I was planning/ studying the lesson for the kids this week in church… funny how the lesson more and more lately seems to be for me – more than the kids... I heard him speak again. The lesson was on Moses and how he was complaining to God that he wasn’t right for the job. Well, I had to laugh. It was almost the very thing that I was saying to God too. Moses and I connected right there- I finally understood his pathetic whine to the Most High God. I mean God created him, knew him, and wasn’t afraid of using him and yet Moses had the gall to complain about not being right for the job… and so do I. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I went to bed that night realizing that I can’t ever say anything negative about any of the men or women of the Bible… I’m just as messed up as they are! And that I obviously have to pay attention because it seems as if God is working overtime to get my thick skull to listen to him!<br /><o:p></o:p><br />The topper of all my musings came when Rod spoke yesterday. He spoke on another blockhead that I identify with… Peter. Rod outlined yesterday that Jesus was fully aware, fully prepared and in no way disgusted with Peter for his denial, but was interceding on Peter’s behalf. Amazing! All this time… I fall away and feel as if God is ready to hammer me, and yet he’s been interceding for me. Always waiting, always wanting that relationship with me. Wow….!<br /><o:p></o:p><br />I too am a blockhead. In case you couldn’t figure that out. I mess up all the time and wonder constantly as to why anyone, much less the Most High God, would want anything to do with me. But this week I feel – loved, pursued, treasured, and cherished. I know that he wants me back and pursuing to be like him. I am nothing more than a blockhead disciple…</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>So, now as I sit here and write all this down I realize again that even though these things are true, my Father is pursuing me and waiting for me to pursue Him with everything I am (as a true disciple), I am still afraid. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>I know that true devotion is a matter of choice sometimes and I know that as of right now I have a very big choice to make. Am I going to let fear overtake me, or am I going to overtake fear with the hand of Jesus and do what He’s called me to do?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>What has he called me to and why am I so afraid? </p> <p class="MsoNormal">1. I feel very confidently that God is leading me further into the vision He gave me years ago. A vision of children- fostered, adopted, and living in the neighborhood- running in and out of my home because it is a safe place. A place where children are ministered to in emotional/physical/ spiritual ways. A place to connect with the pets/ earth and people around them. My home, not an institution, not an orphanage, but a place for kids to be kids in a very God driven/focused way. This is the original vision.<br /><o:p></o:p><br />2. This vision feels very small compared to the words that were given to me only a few months ago. I know it is just a piece – but I’m not sure I’m ready to share anymore. <span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>3. This vision requires more than I can attain. A home, owned-not rented, furniture to fill it, people to support me and pray with me as this would be impossible without it, and of course money. I can’t work at a job and run this beautiful house, unless it’s a job I can do from home, and the current job I have is not it. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>So what am I afraid of? Well, I’m afraid that I’m not the right person for the job. I’m afraid no one will listen to me. I’m afraid that I’ll fail this calling as I’ve failed everything else. I’m afraid that the circumstances to get started are never going to happen. I’m afraid that I’ve dreamed this all up and God is not in it at all… </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I know that God has not given us the spirit of fear (II Tim. 1:7) I know that God does not call us to something he doesn’t plan to control, fulfill, define, and enable. I have to keep trusting that He is going to do what is needed in order for me to fulfill what He has called me to. And NO I don’t need to send him extra voicemails and emails to remind him. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>So, Father, my wonderful Father in Heaven,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I have felt your words, your pursuit, your grace and your love in a most powerful way this week. I have felt the calling of your Spirit within mine to say that I am yours and that is all I need to rely on. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>I know that you have these plans for me and if they are yours you will bring them to pass. I pray Father that you will give me the strength to believe. I want to believe, forgive my unbelief. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>I expel Satan in your name, knowing that the fear comes from him, and only to destroy what you have done in me. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Lord, I pray that as I move about this week that you would teach me to trust in you more, to rely on your promises and to remember that not only does my identity come from you, but so does my adequacy. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Through the blood and name of my Jesus,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Amen</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><span style=""></span>(<st1:street st="on"><st1:address st="on">10<sup>th</sup> Avenue North-</st1:address></st1:street> By Your Side.)</p> <!--[if gte vml 1]><v:line id="_x0000_s1027" style="'position:absolute;" from="135pt,258.05pt" to="162pt,258.05pt" coordsize="21600,21600"> <v:stroke endarrow="block"> </v:line><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--><span style=""><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t202" coordsize="21600,21600" spt="202" path="m,l,21600r21600,l21600,xe"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"> <v:path gradientshapeok="t" connecttype="rect"> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="_x0000_s1026" type="#_x0000_t202" style="'position:absolute;" stroked="f"> <v:textbox style="'mso-next-textbox:#_x0000_s1026'/"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><span style="position: absolute; z-index: 1; margin-left: 372px; margin-top: 56px; width: 256px; height: 304px;"></span><!--[endif]--></span><span style=""><span style="font-size:100%;">Why are you striving these days<br />Why are you trying to earn grace<br />Why are you crying<br />Let me lift up your face<br />Just don't turn away<br /><br />Why are you looking for love<br />Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough<br />To where will you go child<br />Tell me where will you run<br />To where will you run<br /><br />'Cause I'll be by your side<br />Wherever you fall<br />In the dead of night<br />Whenever you call<br />And please don't fight<br />These hands that are holding you<br />My hands are holding you<br /><br /></span></span> <p class="MsoNormal">Look at these hands and my side<br />They swallowed the grave on that night<br />When I drank the world's sin<br />So I could carry you in<br />And give you life<br />I want to give you life<br /><br />(Chorus 2x)<br /><br />Cause I, I love you<br />I want you to know<br />That I, I love you<br />I'll never let you go</p> <br /><span style=""> <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--> <!--[endif]--></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-72077837015972563062008-10-04T16:03:00.004-04:002009-02-23T16:12:21.916-05:00Peaceful Fall Time ThoughtsThis day is gorgeous.... time slowly dripping by and things of my mind call me to type my little fingers away. Cool breezes, funny dog races up and down my hallway and the radio playing in the background. My eyes view beauty and crave the quiet to last for days rather than just a few hours. It's not that the quiet is in the noise, but in my heart. I like this quiet. Peaceful heart that comes after a long week, time with friends and a great nights sleep.<br /><br />Some say that quiet is often their doom... but do they mean silence or stillness? Peace all around is the best source of rejuvenation one can find... at least in this heart. Followed by a close second... cleaning. I know sounds insane... but somehow setting my physical world right sets this heart right. I read somewhere that cleaning, or having a clean house can represent what is happening in one's heart... and I guess, for me, it can be true. Or it can mean I'm too busy for my own good. :)<br /><br />Right now I'm peaceful in the knowledge that God is working for me, I'm finally allowing him to work in me, and my world around me will be set right after all this time. Such peace is too great for me. How I long for it more...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-89531387581599255412008-09-28T18:42:00.004-04:002008-09-28T18:53:15.078-04:00Bible Study Break - II Corinthians 4: 1 - 7<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SOAKkoCdqtI/AAAAAAAAAE0/lwWSI_XTkqQ/s1600-h/Bible+Study+Break.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SOAKkoCdqtI/AAAAAAAAAE0/lwWSI_XTkqQ/s200/Bible+Study+Break.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5251208789853317842" border="0" /></a><br />II Corinthians 4: 1 - 7<br />(Paraphrased in my own words, this is the whole passage as revealed to me)<br />Because of God's mercy at work within me, I am able to have a ministry and I am not to lose heart. Instead I am to renounce my sinful, secret ways. I am to use TRUTH and not deception, or using God's word to shine light or justify my choices. I am to sit myself in a position of accountability. (Meaning to allow them to use the way they perceive me, to return how they respond to me. And I'm to trust them)<br /><br />What is this ministry? Revealing the gospel to them- by living it, preaching it, and believing it. The only one not receiving it are the one's that are veiled by the enemy. Who blinds their minds against it. My ministry is to live the light so that the "Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ" can shine in the darkness.<br /><br />The treasure of this ministry and calling, the gospel, is carried in jars of clay. (Me) Cheap, breakable, and replaceable, but necessary service oriented tool- lowly and expendable. That is who I am - not someone who is above others.<br /><br />I am not to preach about myself- for what am I? But I am to preach Jesus the Christ and I am their servant for Jesus' sake. All this to show that I am naught but a servant who's only power comes from Christ and not from me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-810586249847534462008-09-28T18:02:00.004-04:002008-09-28T18:40:11.889-04:00Bible Study Break - II Corinthians 4: 8 - 18<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SOAHcIvg9LI/AAAAAAAAAEs/Q6j3Xg6KQGc/s1600-h/Bible+Study+Break.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 215px; height: 165px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SOAHcIvg9LI/AAAAAAAAAEs/Q6j3Xg6KQGc/s320/Bible+Study+Break.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5251205345478505650" border="0" /></a><br />II Corinthians 4:8 - 18<br />(Paraphrased in my words, this is the whole passage as revealed to me.)<br />Ministry and following after Jesus breeds ground for being hard pressed on every side- like a flower press or a wheat grinder. Being perplexed or full of doubt and uncertainty; persecution or being harassed, constantly resulting in injury or distress (Struck down or beaten) and the death of Jesus is carried around in us so we are always given over to death.<br /><br />Strangely enough this is a passage of hope because even though those are written as if guarantees, there are responding promises of life and hope to go with each angle of concern or death.<br /><br />We are promised to never be crushed while being hard pressed; we won't be in despair or distress while being perplexed; we can't be destroyed by those who strike us down. And while it's true that we carry the death of Jesus with us- it's so that the life of Jesus can be revealed in us. And through the life in Jesus, when we die or are given over to death, it reveals who He is through our mortality. So the death (of our mortal, fleshly, desires, our "before Christ" selves) shows off Christ's life at work in us.<br /><br />With faith we believe, and if we believe we speak (the gospel, the truth, the treasure) Because the One who raised Jesus also has the power to raise us and present us in His presence. And get this, it's for our benefit! It's for us to see the grace that is reaching more and more people. This is cause for us to have thanksgiving and have it overflow to the Glory of God!<br /><br />So, we cannot lose heart. Though on the outside we are always wasting away. On the inside, we are being renewed, not just once, but daily. For these things that are coming at us are just light and momentary troubles. These things are actually working for and achieving for us an eternal glory and reward that so outweighs them all.<br /><br />In light of this we need to fix our eyes (or my heart, soul, mind and strength) on nothing that we visibly see, because anything that we can look at is temporary. But we need to focus on what is unseen, because those things will last for eternity.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-18571281978521986082008-09-28T17:16:00.004-04:002008-09-28T18:56:22.601-04:00Desert Rain<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SN_7v5I403I/AAAAAAAAAEk/7seLs_xw3n0/s1600-h/Desert+Rain.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SN_7v5I403I/AAAAAAAAAEk/7seLs_xw3n0/s320/Desert+Rain.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5251192490747810674" border="0" /></a><br />My throat is dry, parched, toasty and cracked<br />the ground beneath my feet is shaky, uneven<br />The sun hot on my back, the wind still and flat<br />There are no clouds, no break<br />Solid is the weight of the heat<br /><br />Water is the illusion that taunts me<br />the ground and sky unrelenting<br />The sun once considered my friend,<br />now my enemy<br />Desperate is the weight of my heart<br /><br />My heart is this desert<br />unrelenting, unforgiving, dry, cracked and barren<br />not placed in this desert, for growth and renewal<br />but chosen by my wandering heart<br />And now I'm lost in this wasteland<br />Empty is the weight of my soul<br /><br />Then the rain comes<br />each drop like a splash of life<br />flowing like sheets of blessed relief<br />my whole body rejoices<br />The weight of the pain of that torturous sun is gone<br />Replaced by the joyous weight of the rain<br /><br />It touches every part of me<br />filling my soul with joy, giddiness even<br />water touches my head, my hands, my feet and even my heart<br />leaving me quenched and more alive than I could imagine<br /><br />Life flows with every drop of this Living Water<br />Hope is found<br />and joy renewed<br />even the dry and weary land that is the desert<br />is renewed, transformed<br /><br />What beauty to be placed here<br />or to find yourself in<br />Defeat, surrender and life anew<br />That is the joy of the desert<br />when Living Water flows over me<br />this wasteland now a garden, it's renewed and transformed!<br /><br />M. Ruth Smith<br />September 2008Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-45771362004732606432008-06-22T21:35:00.002-04:002008-06-22T21:37:38.973-04:00What if?<a href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF7-SQ5qWDI/AAAAAAAAADs/18Lf5ZRbF-4/s1600-h/What+if.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214885008269531186" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF7-SQ5qWDI/AAAAAAAAADs/18Lf5ZRbF-4/s320/What+if.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>"What if" is a phrase that can ruin ones life. Living your life based on what might happen is the equivalent to not living your life at all.<br /><br />Life is the here and now, the known and known not knowns (i.e.: a job you have but you don’t know which technical glitch will happen next.) “What if” is like asking a gypsy for your fortune.<br /><br />I don’t want to move- because what if something happens to my family. I can’t be a missionary, what if there’s a man that I might miss if I go? I can’t give sacrificially, what if I run out of money?<br /><br />Do you realize there really isn’t one valid “What if” question out there? Hold up, wait- okay so there are only two valid what ifs- what if I died today – what would count? And, what if Jesus asked me why should I let you in heaven? Okay- so, besides those two- there are no valid ones left.<br /><br />If God in His ultimate wisdom asks you to do something and you respond with a “What if”- what does that say to God? It says he’s stupid and doesn’t know what you might miss.<br /><br />Have you read the book of Ezekiel? Have you read the commands of God in the first three chapters? Let me help you out by showing you a few…(No, these aren’t even close to them all)<br />Stand to your feet and I will speak to you (2:1)<br />I am sending you to a stubborn and obstinate nation- Israel (2:3)<br />Do not be afraid of them or their words- umm… just how bad were these guys?(2:4)<br />Do not be afraid though briers, thorns and scorpions live all around you- oh!(2:6)<br />You must speak My words to them whether they listen or not (2:11)<br />You must speak my words of warning, for if one should die because you did not warn him of my anger then I will hold you accountable to his blood. (3:18)<br />… Then lie on your left side and put the sin of the house of Israel upon yourself. You are to beat their sin for the number of days you lie on your side. I have assigned you the same number of days as the years of their sin- 390 days you will bear their sin of the house of Israel. (4:1-5)<br />Take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt- put them in a storage jar and use them to make bread for you. You are to eat (about 8 oz. worth) it during the 390 days and (4:6-12)<br />You will bake your bread over cow manure…(4:15)<br /><br />Honestly, how do you think Ezekiel’s life would have ended if when God commanded these things Ezekiel came back with “what if I get a cramp?” “What if I die of starvation?” I wonder- would we even have the book of Ezekiel?<br /><br />For that matter- look at all the hero’s of the faith; Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Job, David, and of course Jesus. These men knew what God was asking of them and they didn’t respond with a “what if” scenario. Not one was perfect- except of course Jesus who was the Son of God- But every one of them had a huge challenge from God and if in their fear or in the moments of frailty they had asked what if- I’m sure the Bible would look a little different.<br /><br />My point? Why do we as Christians today think that we are so much better than the hero’s of our faith, that we can and do ask the what ifs before we say “Here am I, send me!” (Is. 6)<br /><br />Where do we get our nerve to question the creator of all things, including our life and the thing he has called us to? Who says that we can say I can’t because of a “What if”? God knows all the "What ifs" and all the equations of our lives. Do you really think that he would ask a question without knowing the answer? Do you think that he forgot about something?<br /><br />He’s been holding the universe together since before man. I don’t think he’s using a post-it note system for reminders.<br /><br />He knows every tear you’ve cried, He counts the hairs on your head, and He loves you with an everlasting love- an unstoppable, unquenchable, unconditional love. Since your Father loves you in such this way- Do you really think He’d ask you to do something that wasn’t in your best interest?<br /><br />“What if” is a slap in God’s face. He knows everything about you, your world, your life- He will not let the right “What ifs” pass you by. Nor will the wrong “What ifs” come your way.<br /><br />So, here’s the basic question- Do you TRUST GOD with your “What ifs”? Do you trust God? Do you trust Him with everything? Truth is you either trust Him with everything- all of your heart or you don’t trust Him at all.<br /><br />Webster’s defines trust as a firm belief in the honesty, reliability of another; a confident expectation, hope; to commit to a person’s care; to allow someone to do something without misgivings.<br /><br />This is a description of your relationship with Christ. Most of the time we read Proverbs 3:5-6 and we assume that trusting God with all your heart means – trusting God with this particular situation. All your heart- every situation- every time, all the time. Do you have a firm belief in the honesty and reliability of God? Do you have a confident expectation of what He is going to do? Do you have confidence in Him? Do you commit things to His care? Including your heart? Do you allow Him to do things in your life without misgivings?<br /><br />One final thing- What if is a natural thought, or so I find… but if it is our only response in the course of following Jesus, then trust is gone and fear is leader. When was the last time you asked “What if”?</div><div> </div><div>M. Ruth Smith</div><div>2005</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-15163536908527178232008-06-22T21:31:00.002-04:002008-06-22T21:33:57.580-04:00Trust and Faith<a href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF79cfZcB2I/AAAAAAAAADk/yTP-972X0No/s1600-h/trust+and+faith.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214884084447971170" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF79cfZcB2I/AAAAAAAAADk/yTP-972X0No/s320/trust+and+faith.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Trust and faith, Fear and Doubt<br /></div><br /><div>These are the words that are in my life in abundance right now. I know that they are all part in whole how I’m feeling.<br /><br />Trust – Defined as: a firm belief or confidence in the honesty, integrity, reliability and justice of another.<br />Faith – Defined as: unquestioning belief that does not need proof or evidence.<br /><br />These are commands, a requirement of the Christian; because without them our God wouldn’t even exist- at least in the earthly realm. Because for Him to exist, we need to have faith that He is there, and then we need to trust that He is who He says He is.<br /><br />I love how these two things, so essential in the daily walk of a Christian, are things that we fight with as much as we do. I know that is because the Enemy knows there won’t be Christians without faith and trust.<br /><br />How can we who love Jesus say that we have trust issues? Last night while I was at prayer meeting a prayer warrior said that one of the reasons trust is so much on our list of things that God is teaching us is because we have had someone prove to be untrustworthy in our lives, and therefore leaving a gap in our ability to know what it means to trust without hindrance. I believe that she is right on a major level. Who among us hasn’t had someone in our lifetime prove to be untrustworthy?<br /><br />If that is the case then shouldn’t there be a way that we can work past that and find the healing that we might need in order to trust God with all our hearts and no hindrances? I believe there is.<br /><br />God has said that “All that call on His name shall be saved” (Rom.10:13)... which requires faith and trust. He also said “That all who come to me weary and with heavy burdens shall find rest” (Matt. 11:29). Another is that if you “Trust in the Lord with all your heart… he will direct your paths” (Prov. 3:5-6) . He said that for “Those who fear his name the Son of righteousness shall rise with healing in his wings and you will go free leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture” (Mal. 4:2).<br /><br />I know that the God that healed all those people in the Bible didn’t leave them with emotional issues and mental issues when he healed the physical issues. I know that when they went away leaping and rejoicing that they were free from all injury. All pain of any kind was gone when they encountered the living God. So I can only conclude that just as God is able to this day to distribute physical healing he can also give out mental, emotional and spiritual healing to those who seek Him.<br /><br />If these are indeed things that I know… then why do I have trouble trusting Him and having faith in Him? Maybe because sometimes, it’s not about what I know, but about the weapons the enemy is using- Otherwise known as Fear and Doubt.<br /><br />Fear- Defined as: a feeling of anxiety and agitation caused by the presence or nearness of danger, evil, pain, etc.<br />Doubt- Defined as: a wavering of opinion or belief; lack of conviction; uncertainty; lack of trust or confidence.<br /><br />I don’t find it coincidental that the tools that Satan uses are the very things that interfere with faith and trust. I also know that he is not above using whatever he can to defeat us when we’re down and go after us when we’re up. He is a lousy foe… no fairness can be found in him, and he uses a small measure of truth in order to convince us that there is validity in his accusations. He is sneaky, manipulative, and wrong. And we fall for it all the time.<br /><br />The Bible describes our enemy Satan as “A roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour” (1 Pet. 5:8) It also tells us that he has fiery arrows, strategies in place to take us down, we are in a battle against him (Eph. 6:11-16), he goes after the footholds (little crevices that don’t seem like much to us, are his breeding ground) (Eph. 4:27) he sets traps (2 Tim. 2:27), and works in and through our enemies (John 13:2).<br /><br />Of course this is a foe that we would need to watch at every turn. We can’t assume that he would take a break from making us falter in our faith. A slacking and hurting Christian is one of his favorite things. Get to that point and of course he will leave you alone, you aren’t a threat anymore.<br /><br />This leads us to conclude that if we are following hard after Christ and are doing what God has called us to, the enemy will be hard on our tails to trip us up. Which makes faith and trust all that more important. Do you see how it all works together like that? I do take comfort in the fact that God doesn’t leave us to ourselves in the midst of these struggles. He has promised to never fail us or abandon us (Heb. 13:5) And He has promised that He will never give us more than we can bear (1 Cor. 10:13)<br /><br />I have found that the promises of God are more faithful and dependable than the threat of the enemy. Only because God is greater. If I falter in my faith and slack in my belief and trust, then guaranteed the enemy is there to help bring me down.<br /><br />So, yeah, these words have been heavy on my heart and I wonder sometimes about why they are so important. And why when people are talking about what God is doing, they almost always say that God is teaching them to trust… interesting then isn’t it that it generally coincides with an attack from the enemy?<br /><br />Faith and trust are tools to bring us closer to God and into His loving presence. Fear and doubt are the very tools that Satan uses to break us up. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>M. Ruth Smith</div><br /><div>2007</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-23804020534724022942008-06-22T21:24:00.002-04:002008-06-22T21:27:11.602-04:00Quiet Spirit<a href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF77zyPVttI/AAAAAAAAADc/_EsrpwPJj4A/s1600-h/Water+lilies.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214882285619623634" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 258px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 181px" height="240" alt="" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF77zyPVttI/AAAAAAAAADc/_EsrpwPJj4A/s320/Water+lilies.jpg" width="258" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I Peter 3: 1-6<br />To have a quiet spirit is a thing for which I long. What does it mean? To be peaceful? To be at ease in all situations? To know something is going on and be quiet about it? The Bible calls for a woman to adorn herself with the “unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.”, yet I don’t understand what it is.<br /><br />The verse says that this very quality is precious, or of great worth to God…okay, this is great- I sit here desiring this thing which is precious to God and I don’t know what it is or how to get it.<br /><br />I being a loud person am often… okay never, described as a quiet person. So the idea of being quiet is bothersome. Also, when combined with the idea that one needs to be gentle, and I being a bull in the proverbial china shop, I am bothered with this too. So, if the God, who made me to be loud, and a tad bit bullish, treasures a person who is the opposite, then how can we say that God doesn’t make mistakes?<br /><br />I feel as if God was asking me to be everything but what he made me to be and I didn’t think this was right. God doesn’t do that! After much contemplation, prayer and even a little begging- I can only guess that this thing called a gentle and quiet spirit is a longing to be quiet before the Father God above all and allow Him to change us.<br /><br />A gentle and quiet person is not necessarily described as these things outwardly. But they are characteristics of her heart; a woman who is constantly seeking quiet at the root of herself to be with the God who made her; a woman who is gentle with those around her- obviously this is a character trait that needs work in my life. I believe one can be who God made her to be and still be chasing with all of their heart the person God desires her to be. </div><br /><div></div><div>M. Ruth Smith</div><div>2003</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-2748971900842864502008-06-22T21:16:00.002-04:002008-06-22T21:22:59.362-04:00Naked and Wretched<a href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF762cNhoFI/AAAAAAAAADU/Rd2l4RxaL50/s1600-h/naked+and+wretched.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214881231734415442" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF762cNhoFI/AAAAAAAAADU/Rd2l4RxaL50/s200/naked+and+wretched.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Naked and wretched I come before the cross<br />Laying all of me down to count as loss<br />Ribbons and trophies mean nothing now<br />You consume all of me somehow.<br /><br />Naked and wretched you saw me exposed<br />Full of hatred, anger and so disposed<br />My heart full of sin<br />Yet you welcomed me in<br />And now Lord Jesus, well, here we start again.<br /><br />Days and nights are filling my life<br />Hopeless I flounder losing to strife<br />Christian works and good deeds abound<br />But among all the noise I miss your sound<br /><br />Calling my name, whispering your words<br />I miss them and say “get ya afta wards”<br />How dumb am I? Have I forgotten,<br />That once I came all gross and rotten?<br /><br />Naked and wretched, poor, lost and blind<br />I come to the cross I’ve left behind<br />Trophies and ribbons I’ve picked up<br />Have now become my hang up<br />Jesus, you see me now on my knees<br />Come work your miracle once again please.<br /><br />The beauty of Your cross is the glory you showed there<br />At your feet there is not one sin left unpaid or bare<br />You in your glory know<br />How long this journey will go<br />My Jesus walk with me todayAnd maybe today I won’t forget to pray.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>M. Ruth Smith</div><div>2007</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-9803688080853581692008-06-22T21:14:00.001-04:002008-06-22T21:15:36.618-04:00My Only Hope<a href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF75LmB2GPI/AAAAAAAAADM/zeXh2d3wmyw/s1600-h/My+only+hope.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214879396123777266" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF75LmB2GPI/AAAAAAAAADM/zeXh2d3wmyw/s320/My+only+hope.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Father- forgive my sins for they are many<br />Calm all my fears for they are taking over<br />I fight back when I can’t see a way out.<br />Right now all I see is black- ebony.<br /><br />Where are you, why can’t I see the way?<br />Where am I? Stepping into the grey…<br />Please help me, I’m so alone and afraid<br />You’re my only hope, I have no other<br />No other, no other way to go!<br /><br />Please help me Lord, I’m failing again<br />Every time I think I’ve won, I fail<br />My desperate heart is tired and alone<br />Where can you be? You said I’d not be forsaken!<br /><br />Is it possible – is it probable- You never left me here?<br />Could it be I wandered away on my own?<br /><br />Now I see You, even the first step of the way.<br />Here am I, stepping into the day…<br />Please help me, I know I’ll fail again<br />You’re my only hope, I have no other<br />No other, no other way to live!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-32654254935933555282008-06-22T21:10:00.002-04:002013-01-07T11:21:19.915-05:00I Choose...<a href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF74gTch96I/AAAAAAAAADE/MKi_R6qhAP8/s1600-h/I+Choose.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214878652401055650" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF74gTch96I/AAAAAAAAADE/MKi_R6qhAP8/s320/I+Choose.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I choose to trust You<br />Even when the view is slim<br />I choose to trust You<br />Even when my heart grows grim<br />I choose to trust You<br />When my paths are unclear<br />I choose to trust You<br />When the shadows bring a tear<br />I choose to trust You<br />When my finances are gone<br />I choose to trust You<br />I choose to trust You<br />When life is just no fun<br />I choose to trust You<br />When hope is fading fast<br />I choose to trust You<br />When life is at it’s last<br />I choose to trust You<br />For when this life is over<br />And I’m safely home at last<br />All my trusting is in Your favor<br />And I’ll see Your face and be held fast<br /><br />M. Ruth Smith<br />2005</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-42334912141498104932008-06-22T21:05:00.002-04:002008-06-22T21:10:05.240-04:00Home Again<a href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF733xU7tQI/AAAAAAAAAC8/xWGCHROmxrM/s1600-h/home+again.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214877956047615234" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF733xU7tQI/AAAAAAAAAC8/xWGCHROmxrM/s320/home+again.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I’m walking there and to my surprise<br />all the people are leaving with wide open eyes.<br />Tears are flowing freely and smiles grace,<br />people with the saddest of face.<br />I’m curiously drawn to this part and place<br />wondering what lies there for me and if I could find peace.<br /><br />I come to the cross and there he hung<br />with tears in my eyes I scream what have we done?<br />I call out to him saying what do you want!?<br />Why do you call me here?! I have finally come…<br /><br />I look all around me and no longer do I see<br />the faces of people surrounding me.<br />I see the sins of my youth, my past and present.<br />I see myself in sins encompassed.<br />I look up and I scream with selfishness, save me!<br />Allow your blood to cover me,<br />but it will take a flood.<br />And from his face I see tears of joy, of peace, of love<br />and down flows that river of life saving blood.<br /><br />At my feet the blood flows round,<br />and now instead of iniquities… I see only ground.<br />The sins once present and flowing- controlling,<br />now are all in the depths of the seas.<br />I am finding my face on the ground screaming in victory, freedom and peace . In hope I look up to see his face again,<br />when he looks back at me I find my home in him.<br /><br />This cross so gruesome so painful and alone,<br />I find when I come here, there is home found again.<br />Jesus doesn’t hang on that cross anymore.<br />He died, rose victorious and is reigning on the throne.<br />But when I feel downtrodden, hopeless and alone.<br />It brings me comfort and love when I travel that road once more.<br />I find Jesus still waits for those who call to him… and sometimes he waits at the cross to bring us home again.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>M. Ruth Smith</div><br /><div>2007</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-36481453477752673872008-06-22T21:02:00.002-04:002008-06-22T21:04:39.884-04:00Hold Me<a href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF72il5jbHI/AAAAAAAAAC0/fsHkoK9FiMI/s1600-h/Hold+me.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214876492691106930" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 138px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 192px" height="124" alt="" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF72il5jbHI/AAAAAAAAAC0/fsHkoK9FiMI/s320/Hold+me.jpg" width="117" border="0" /></a><br /><div>It’s Friday night and here I sit again<br />Wanting to be free from lonliness and anxiety<br /><br />I want more , more than you can know<br />Relationships or even friendships with a door<br />I’m getting older and these nights leave me cold<br />Arms are empty, heart is hurting and<br />I’ve nothing, no nothing, once more<br /><br />Father hear my cry -do you know my hearts desire?<br />Wanting to be loved by someone<br />And be held tight by the arms of that special guy…<br /><br />Father hold me because until that day<br />This lonely heart will only have your arms<br />To warm my lonely nights<br />Father wipe away these tears!<br />Show me how to be content<br />With the love you have for me!<br /><br />I want more, my heart longs for romance novels,<br />Movie specials, false reality.<br />Show me how to turn around,<br />Knowing you are constant even through the<br />Singles battleground.<br /><br />Once again, I lay it all down,<br />Knowing you will heal my hurt and hold me tight<br />And make me completely yours.<br /><br />Father hold me because until that day<br />This lonely heart will only have your arms<br />To warm my lonely nights<br />Father wipe away these tears!<br />Show me how to be content<br />With the love you have for me!<br /><br />M. Ruth Smith<br />2004</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-17763956753649712872008-06-22T20:53:00.002-04:002008-06-22T20:55:53.496-04:00Heart Surgery<a href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF70a0Ev6oI/AAAAAAAAACc/3-hYss7-_Qo/s1600-h/heart+surgery.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214874160033950338" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF70a0Ev6oI/AAAAAAAAACc/3-hYss7-_Qo/s320/heart+surgery.jpg" border="0" /></a> <div>Ezekiel 36:25-27<br />“I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.”<br /><br />My pastor was speaking and was actually closing his sermon as he referred to this passage in Ezekiel. Although this really wasn’t what the sermon was about, my heart found this fascinating… God was talking about doing some heart surgery. A transplant in fact.<br /><br />Verse 26 actually says that “I will remove from you your heart of stone…” God is going to remove my stony, stubborn heart.<br />“And give you a heart of flesh”<br />God is going to replace it with a tender, responsive heart.<br /><br />God is ready to do some major heart surgery on me… the question is, am I going to sign the release papers? Am I ready for it? I wonder if there are stages? I know that this is what God does when a person first comes to know Him as Savior… but then as time goes by, does he do it again and again?<br /><br />I know in my life I tend to get hard and stubborn… and then God steps in and changes my heart yet again. A few years ago I was on staff at a wonderful Christian Organization and they told me when I signed on that God was going to do some work on my heart. I didn’t believe that it was going to be that intense. God didn’t just move in and do some work… that year felt like open heart surgery without anesthetic. Painful, and hard with agrevating recovery. But it was during the hardness and pain that I learned a lot about myself and then even more so about the grace of God.<br /><br />What about now? Am I in surgery? God has promised to replace my heart of stone with one of flesh. Tender and responsive to Him and His plan. Obedient and willing to follow His laws. Don’t be deceived this is a painful process.<br /><br />A heart transplant surgery begins with preparation…having everything ready to go. Cleaning the area and opening it up (which is a process all in itself.) The person receiving the heart is dead on the table between the time that the person’s old heart is taken out and the new one put in place. Then they pump the new heart with their own hands until it awakens and beats on it’s own. Making the dead person alive again.<br /><br />I believe that the transplant that God is doing seems no less complicated. He cleans you up (vs. 25) Opens your chest and takes out the old heart, leaving you dead in yourself (Eph.2:1) and then gives you the new (Jer.24:7). And massaging it until it beats making you come alive and tender and responsive to His touch.<br /><br />Recovery for each patient is different and time is needed for healing. Recovery from God’s treatment… well, that is up to you. Choosing and being forced into this surgery are two very different things and recovery is going to be needed. But then again what is recovery? Going back to normal? Being open and ready to follow? Not hurting anymore? Forgetting the pain and ready to proceed?<br /><br />I guess the choice is yours what recovery looks like to you. If we must then we will have to undergo the surgery again if it doesn’t work the first, second or third time. I believe though that this whole process must be worth it, handing over a heart that hates, lies, deceives, and is rotting away for a heart that loves, and lives.<br /><br />The grief of change and the pain of transition will mean nothing when replaced by the joy that will come when our hearts beat with the love, blood and life of Jesus!!<br /><br />M. Ruth Smith<br />2005</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-82640176768072399832008-06-22T20:49:00.002-04:002008-06-22T20:52:58.635-04:00Crying<a href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF7z04qxVlI/AAAAAAAAACU/eblxJWKc2-4/s1600-h/loneliness.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214873508432139858" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF7z04qxVlI/AAAAAAAAACU/eblxJWKc2-4/s320/loneliness.jpg" border="0" /></a>Crying tears of pain<br />I’m calling<br />Hurting from the stain<br />Of sin<br />Calling out while still<br />Wandering<br />Father, do you hear me?<br /><br />Stubborn soul of mine<br />Is searching<br />Looking for some answers<br />To help me<br />Thinking there are no<br />Possibilities<br />Jesus, can you save me?<br /><br />Blackened, hardened heart<br />Is breaking<br />Broken beneath a heavy<br />Load of care<br />No longer able to<br />Withstand it<br />Spirit, can you heal me?<br /><br />I’m a sinner, broken and bleeding<br />I’m a helpless wandering soul<br />Can you hear me because I’m silent<br />Someone please hear my cry<br /><br />As I go through life<br />There is no one to listen<br />Father if you can, break away<br />My wall and JESUS, Oh dear JESUS<br />Set me Free!<br /><br />Freed at last I am<br />Opened<br />Bursting at the seams with<br />Stories to tell<br />How I’ve gone from old to<br />New in Jesus<br />Jehovah, you are God!<br /><br />People all around<br />Please listen<br />Answer the call you<br />Hear within<br />Jesus is calling you<br />Closer and closer<br />Mankind, do you hear Him?<br /><br />Broken now I’m<br />Whole again<br />Bleeding now I am<br />Saved<br />Sinner am I but thanks<br />To Grace<br />Shepherd, I am yours!<br /><br /><br /><br />M. Ruth Smith<br />2004Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-25171389236918277702008-06-22T20:43:00.004-04:002008-06-22T21:00:59.766-04:00Change My Heart<a href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF71jeAAKeI/AAAAAAAAACs/lSFgY9-x2XM/s1600-h/Change_My_Heart0_blank_sized.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214875408238914018" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 192px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 207px" height="320" alt="" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF71jeAAKeI/AAAAAAAAACs/lSFgY9-x2XM/s320/Change_My_Heart0_blank_sized.jpg" width="192" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Today I learned it’s not all about me<br />You gave your life to set me free<br />I give my heart freedom to roam<br />And focus on my world and home<br /><br />The more I focus on me I find<br />The less I see of you in my mind<br />All my heart is programmed to see<br />Is things that concern or represent me<br />Now I know this is true<br />How much more then do I need you?<br /></div><div><br />Change my heart<br />Rule my life<br />Capture all my mind with you<br />Change my heart<br />Rule my life<br />Redo all my world with you<br /><br />My world is small and so untrue<br />And I so desperately long for you<br />My wandering heart sees no way<br />For you to show or guide the day<br />So instead of truth I choose the lie<br />And once again I feel I could die<br />Now this I know is true<br />How much more then do I need you?<br /><br />Change my heart<br />Rule my life<br />Consume my thoughts with all of you<br />Change my heart<br />Rule my life<br />Reign in me and let me be true<br /><br />Amazing! Victory is gained<br />And not one sin has left a stain<br />Jesus washed it all away<br />And now with him I plan to stay<br />Sin will tempt me of this I’m sure<br />But with Jesus I’ll stay pure<br />Now this I know is true<br />How much more then do I need you?<br /><br />Jesus change my heart<br />And rule my mind<br />Consider all the cross has done<br />Jesus change my heart<br />And rule my mind<br />All I’ve done is count as dung<br /><br />Again change my heart<br />And rule my mind<br />Capture my mind with you<br />Change my heart<br />And rule my mind<br />Redo all my world with you!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-11012490504899730502008-06-22T20:29:00.003-04:002008-12-15T11:24:30.838-05:00Can you hear me?<a href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF7vqE_p99I/AAAAAAAAACE/5-jSjc2Zbqc/s1600-h/Can+you+hear+me.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214868924715890642" style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; float: left;" alt="" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF7vqE_p99I/AAAAAAAAACE/5-jSjc2Zbqc/s320/Can+you+hear+me.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Its early morning and I stretch real big when I wake up. I look up and see the sun is shining- that’s good, mom’s always nicer when the sun is out.<br /><br />I climb out of bed and shout “Good morning sun!” but there is no response, so I get ready for school. Today, I think I’ll wear the blue jumper. That lady from the church gave it to me.<br /><br />Mom said that it’s too big and it looks stupid on such a skinny girl like me, but I don’t care. That lady said she thought I’d like it- and I do. Even though it’s old and it kinda smells.<br /><br />I go down the hallway and see mom sitting over the toilet again. So, I get her a towel and help her get in the shower. She hates it when I talk, so I hum her favorite song as I brush my hair and put it in my favorite head band that that lady gave me too.<br /><br />Mom gets out of the shower and yells at me to hurry, cause I’ll be late for school. If I’m late again she said I’d have to go live at someone else’s house like my brother. I love my mom; I don’t want to live with anyone else.<br /><br />When I look at the clock it says 6:30 AM. And the bus doesn’t come until 7:30AM. But mom says she’s gonna whoop my ass if I don’t get going. So, I grab my bag and walk to the bus stop. I don’t mind really. The sun is shining today and it’s springtime and warm here in my town. At least the winter is gone and I don’t have to wear my brother’s old coat anymore.<br /><br />My stomach growls and I realize I didn’t get my bread this morning. Well, at least lunch today is a good one- my favorite- Mac and cheese and hotdogs!<br /><br />When the other kids get to the bus stop, they start making fun of my clothes- so I always wait behind the tree across the street; so I can see when the bus is coming. But I don’t have to talk to the other kids.<br /><br />Except today one of the kid’s moms is passing out muffins for the kids to take if they want. And my stomach is growling something fierce. And she looks nice. But if I go over there the kids will call me names and maybe throw something at me. I’m afraid. So I don’t go.<br /><br />The bus is coming down the street and the kids look so happy. I know the truth is that they are all mean and ready to have fun – with me as the favorite target. I have prayed before that god would stop the bullies from hurting me. But it never works. And the bullies only get bigger. I wish just this one time that the bus would come and the kids would forget about getting on it.<br /><br />I like school. I like learning; I even like the homework that the teachers give me. I just don’t like the kids. The teachers never help either. So there’s a wish, a school with no kids or teachers.<br /><br />Every day I walk the hallways and wonder what kind of pain is coming. Am I just going to get made fun of or am I going to get punched for my lunch ticket? Everyday someone else finds use of me for their amusement. Did I use that word right? Yeah, it was one of our spelling words. Amusement. Funny that that word isn’t fun to me.<br /><br />I guess if the other kids got treated like this maybe they would stop. But nope, find one and use her. And guess what – I’m it.<br /><br />The bus finally arrives and I have to get across the street and on it before it leaves, but I have to time it just right. Too early and I get pushed to the ground and dirty before the day starts, too late and I miss the bus. I run and wait just behind the bus and I get on just behind the last kid. Good. Maybe I can find a seat by myself and not get picked on. Nope. One kid in every seat. Now what?<br /><br />I look at the back of the bus and the kids back there are daring me to come back there… but at least I’m too smart for that. The bus driver screams at me to sit down so I choose the closest seat to me. And then the names start.<br /><br />Twiggy, stick girl, zipper, thin slice and my least favorite- invisible girl. Like no one can see me and no one cares.<br /><br />I have often wondered what it must be like to be in a home with both a mommy and a daddy. To have a brother at home. To have someone love me. Maybe I am invisible girl.<br /><br />Does anyone see me? Does anyone care? What would happen if I just didn’t catch the bus next time, and I found a ride to someplace cool, like California or… I know! I could go to Disney World!! They would see me there right?<br /><br />If I stood up on this bus and screamed would anyone hear me?<br /></div><br /><div><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">FEAR </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">DESPERATION </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><span style="font-family:verdana;">ANXIETY </span></span></div><br /><div></div><br /><div><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-size:180%;" >HOPELESSNESS!!!</span><br />___________________________________________________<br />Everyday a child somewhere within your reach is thinking and crying just like this little girl. Her heart is screaming for someone somewhere to tell her she is loved. Even if one person reaches out with a hand that says you matter, one more child’s life could be saved.<br /><br />I’m hearing more and more of children- yes children thinking suicidal thoughts. Thinking that if no one cares – who cares? I have seen with my own eyes the empty, hollow, pain filled eyes of KIDS wanting someone to care.<br /><br />In juvenile halls kids are feeling safe for the first time. Boundaries are set and they thrive- take them out and they mess up on purpose to be back in that safe place.<br /><br />How did our world get so messed up that we allow our children to be raised in juvenile halls?<br /><br />My passion is to have every child within my reach and within the reach of my family and friends to know – really know that there is someone that loves them. And if everyone here on earth forgets- He never forgets.<br /><br />I want them to know that God loves them. Not the “I love you” from valentines cards from kids that were forced to pass them out, but real love. The kind that is there to listen to the names and soothe where the blisters are. To be the voice in the stillness that whispers comfort into the hearts of the broken.<br /><br />I want them to know that God collects their tears and He counts the hairs on their head. He thinks about them so much that they couldn’t count how many thoughts are in His head.<br /><br />I want them to believe – I want them to know – I want them to relish in this God that created them. I want them feel the hug from God’s arms around them and I want the juvenile halls to be empty.<br /><br />I crave that every arm of every child know just once what it is like to be hugged- with a bear hug of love. I desire and dream and wish and want only to pursue to be the arms, legs, mouth and eyes of Jesus to every child that I meet.<br /><br />When they cry – I cry and Jesus cries. When they starve, my heart and stomach ache with brokenness. When they are weak- I wish I could be their strength.<br /><br />“My eyes fail because of tears, my spirit is greatly troubled. My heart is poured out on the earth because of the destruction of the daughter of my people, when little ones and infants faint in the streets of the city. They say to their mothers where is the grain and wine? As they faint like a wounded man. In the streets of the city as their life is poured out on their mothers bosom.” Lamentations 2: 11-12<br /><br />I know that Jesus cared for little ones, over and over he used them to* illustrate in his teachings. I know that if he were on earth today our children would have him wailing in pain. And the anger he displayed in the temple I’m sure would be displayed in the plains of Africa; Orphanages in Asia, Europe, South America and in homes across North America.<br /><br />God has me wired as a protector of these little ones. Passionate that they know love, that they know the Author of love and that they are cared for in every definition of that word.<br /><br />I have yet to figure out why God has wired me so. I wonder if it’s for just one child, or if it’s for thousands? If it’s for the purpose of spurring others on in the care of the children around them or if I will have the pleasure of having the slimy, gooey hands on my clothes just before dinner? Will I be a mother- or the encourager of mothers?<br /><br />The talents and abilities our Father has given me baffle me. I know that they are for a purpose, and I wait anxiously to find out how they can be put to work. They mean nothing if the tools aren’t in the Master’s hand.<br /><br />Sign language, writing, singing, teaching, praying, children, crafting, painting, loving, prophesying, administration, computers, smarts, all of these are dung unless the Master is using them.<br /><br />Although my heart is SCREAMING to be used in a way other than answering phones, I AM going to wait patiently and all the while learning to be content- where I’m at- so that God can be glorified even now.<br /><br />The Father knows how and why he wired me like he did… I’m just waiting to find out myself.<br />*Matt. 18:1-6, 19:13-15, etc.<br /><br />M. Ruth Smith<br />Spring 2008<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-14352302901888448122008-06-22T20:25:00.002-04:002008-06-22T20:28:36.535-04:00Adequate<a href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF7uHPr_KJI/AAAAAAAAAB8/hClDjF0qWvQ/s1600-h/adequate.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214867226779134098" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF7uHPr_KJI/AAAAAAAAAB8/hClDjF0qWvQ/s320/adequate.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Webster’s dictionary-<br />Adequate: enough for what is required; sufficient; suitable<br /><br />Bible-<br />Adequate: Qualified because of Christ.<br /><br />I find it amazing that we are found to be adequate in Christ. II Corinthians 3:5 reads: “Not that we are adequate in ourselves, to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.”<br /><br />Since I am in Christ- I have the adequacy to live this life. This may not seem like such a huge revelation for some. But for this people pleasing, goal oriented, success driven person- knowing that I in myself do not have to provide the adequacy- or even that I could. Well this to me, my friend, is life changing.<br /><br />I no longer have to please people to be adequate. I no longer have to have the qualifications to fall in line. I no longer have to be the best at everything- because… I CAN’T. I am free to be me. The way that God made me. Freedom in Christ includes adequacy.<br /><br />I have felt that if it all came from me, if I was responsible for the adequacy… life was over. But I have discovered that with Christ bearing that load- I cannot give up living. I cannot give up the lifestyle in Christ. I can however, give up life as a failure… because that is not who I am in Christ. I may not feel like it, but I am Adequate.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-77099418674709192532008-04-27T23:12:00.007-04:002008-06-24T11:19:07.643-04:00The Wedding Bells- Matthew & Ashley<a href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF7ni533QBI/AAAAAAAAAB0/X5feXDzLtf4/s1600-h/2654007102.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214860005378310162" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SF7ni533QBI/AAAAAAAAAB0/X5feXDzLtf4/s320/2654007102.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I hear wedding bells in the distance... sounding a great clanging in the air. Ring, ring, ring... the air is thick with celebration, hearts uniting as one, families once living <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">separate</span> lives are now joined together. Worlds <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">collide</span> with one another as this man takes this woman to be his wife.<br /><br />Love is what He created, our heavenly Father, between these two characters who have lived their own lives til now. The stories of their walk bringing them to this place where they will take their bow. United in one factor- Their Father walking them here.<br /><br />She started out innocent and sweet, he a true boy chasing after the next adventure scene. Dating and working, living and searching, until that fateful day when they meet. He knew right away, this was the girl for him. She thought he was on something wanting anything but him. Now today they stand before us, lining that stage with a great big chorus. People standing there supporting them, all because he knew she was the girl for him. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"></span><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"></span><br /><br />I've seen love in its various forms, like, dislike, family and all. I've seen romance and desire and lust on call. I've seen breakups and heartaches and learned lessons galore, that hope springs eternal in romance...it never wavers in its fiction. But love- true love, defined as agape, brings life and faith and trust that springs eternal forevermore.<br /><br />I Corinthians 13 tells us what love is and what it isn't... and every wedding day it is read to us. If only we had it shown to us every day and every night from when we were an infant. This isn't a reading or a passage to ignore, or something at wedding which leads us to snore. This is a challenge for everyone- from married in days of old to single with life to unfold.<br /><br />We are here to celebrate with these two precious people. We love them, are thrilled for them, wish them all the greatest. But my heart wants to remind them again. Romance is fabulous to spark anew, but love defined as agape is real and true.<br /><br />Challenge each other, learn and grow closer still. Find the things you love and love the things you don't. Be faithful and true, show the goofy side too. For this isn't a test, a trial run or a quiz. You are hers and she is yours. Two becoming one flesh from this day forth.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-84487491679259359152008-04-20T16:02:00.004-04:002008-04-20T17:01:55.310-04:00Today<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SAusTmxV4iI/AAAAAAAAABs/mFntWv-Nmh4/s1600-h/jan-johnston-001.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/SAusTmxV4iI/AAAAAAAAABs/mFntWv-Nmh4/s320/jan-johnston-001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5191432448299622946" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Today... All my life I've looked forward to tomorrow... because that is always better. And now tomorrow is today. Where does that leave me?</span> <br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Today is a day worth living</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">yet I'm not sure what to live for</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">I'm tired and overwhelmed by everything</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">and yet i'm constantly ever bored.</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"><br />I pray and wonder what the Lord wants from me</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">and yet can't help wondering</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">if maybe I'm just to make a decision or three.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Who am i that i can just dictate how things flow</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"><br /> and yet, who am I not to.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">God doesn't make limp dishrags caught up in confusion</span>, <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"><br />Yet he asks us to be wrapped up in his provision.</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Not to take ourselves too seriously</span><br /> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">or even to live piously.<br /></span><br /> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Today is a day worth living</span><br /> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">and yet I sit here wondering about tomorrow...<br /></span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">is wasting away a day on thinking</span><br /> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">really living a life, or filling it with sorrow?</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"><br />Today is today... right now, the present</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">and I live my life in the past and in the morrow...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">I promised myself that I would not live in "what if"</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">and yet i live on dreams and wishes.<br /></span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">If today is right now and present</span><br /> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">what am i doing?</span> <br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Today is a day worth living</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"><br />a time to fulfill and a time to redeem.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Yesterday is gone and it's not coming back</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">and tomorrow is not promised nor is it pristine.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">I'm here in the now, now what do I lack</span>?<br /> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">I lack direction, discipline, hope and joy</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">I lack wonder and direction to employ.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Once I was full of all these things<br /></span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">I wonder whatever happened to me...</span> <br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Today is a day worth living</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">so what am I waiting for?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">I'm waiting for hope and desire,</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"><br />direction and waiting lines to expire.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">I'm wanting all the questions answered</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">and all the i's dotted and t's crossed</span>. <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"><br />so who's filling out the map</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">who's my navigator?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Is it my wandering heart</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"><br />or the master of my heart</span>?<br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Where do I find the things I lack?</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"><br />How do I get my today back?</span> <br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Today is a day worth living</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">How does that look for me?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Do I stop asking questions</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">and act like a bull in a china shop</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">making one move after another</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">without one question or one stop?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">How do you define living for today?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">No thought of tomorrow or yesterday?</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"><br />Or do you define living where you are at</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">until the day when you can get where you are going?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Maybe it's all the above, a story with a hat</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">never ending, always changing with the wind that's flowing?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Or maybe it's being aware of where you are</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">and never forgetting to be who you are?<br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Today is a day worth living<br /></span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">I may not know the answers to life's questions</span><br /> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">or be smart with quiet intuitions</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">but I know that the One who holds my hand<br /></span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">holds my future in His hand.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">I may not be the greatest poet...<br /></span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">or the one with the most love to show it.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">But the question of where to go</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">how to live,<br />where to be,</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">are all answered when I hold His hand.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Living today is about "just be"</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">in His presence is where to go.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">I believe that today is a day worth living</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">but I believe that it is His presence<br />that makes the present</span> <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">worth asking questions<br />and flowing with the flow.<br /><br />April 2008<br /></span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-86812479497237244342008-03-20T15:25:00.003-04:002008-03-20T15:28:19.970-04:00Truth & Lies<a href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/R-K6s1F0gfI/AAAAAAAAABk/LURIPupl2sw/s1600-h/TXA0TCABGQ2B3CA1MBUQ3CA2RYJ6GCA4OKJP8CAC9C0NECAS8L9KDCA0CL1MKCA91HXNWCADF2JI9CALZHQCVCAP0V1PGCAK5EUCSCATKDRXWCAEXFWZECALIAYAUCA8QGGE2CADRLVIXCAV52PKACA1PE9XD.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179907800757993970" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" height="117" alt="" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/R-K6s1F0gfI/AAAAAAAAABk/LURIPupl2sw/s320/TXA0TCABGQ2B3CA1MBUQ3CA2RYJ6GCA4OKJP8CAC9C0NECAS8L9KDCA0CL1MKCA91HXNWCADF2JI9CALZHQCVCAP0V1PGCAK5EUCSCATKDRXWCAEXFWZECALIAYAUCA8QGGE2CADRLVIXCAV52PKACA1PE9XD.jpg" width="135" border="0" /></a> Lies- falsehoods, discrepancies, twisting of truth, fairytales, and the little white lie.<br /><br />Lies are everywhere. They are in everything. In TV, news, books, playgrounds, offices, politics, bedrooms and in everyone's past. Lies are told everyday. I'm sure even every minute.<br /><br />They are harmful, destructive, and deceitful. Not only to the person receiving the lie, but also to the person giving the lie.<br /><br />How often we tell "little" lies to get us out of an uncomfortable jam. Tell me now… how often do those "little" lies stay little? How often does it turn around and bite us in the end?<br /><br />The lie to ourselves is that "it's for the best". The lie is "that it won't hurt anyone". The lie is "that the truth is too hard".<br /><br />I wonder if we treated our lives the way we do truth, what would life look like? Broken, disoriented, partial, and maybe even non-existent.<br /><br />Truth is there to teach us, to show us the way to true wisdom, to understanding, to growth. Yet we treat it like the plague.<br /><br />Truth- completeness, honesty, correction, evidence, gospel, straight forward, and right.<br /><br />When I think of what truth is these are the words that come to my mind. Truth is complete it needs no additives. Truth is honest. It is what's used to teach me, it corrects me with guidelines of truth. Truth is all the evidence needed. Truth is the gospel, God's word. Truth is straight forward, aiming straight for the heart. And finally truth is right, never wrong.<br /><br />When you want to know what is going on, you say you want the truth of the matter. When the judge is going for a verdict he's trying to find the truth in the evidence.<br /><br />Truth is the foundation of existence. Without truth our lives could not exist.<br /><br />For example: If you took the explanation of scientists and proved each of their theory's 100% true, then we'd have come from monkeys and blobs of cells that transformed into what we are today.<br /><br />However, even the strongest evolutionist cannot prove their theory 100% true. In fact even they admit and some have even converted to creationism (or Intelligent design). The reason? Because the more that they look into science the more they prove that intelligent design is the only way that molecular structure could be the way that it is today.<br /><br />Therefore, the truth of God's word, when it talks about the creation of man, is proven true. It is the foundation of our lives. Truth exists.<br /><br />People have argued that there are no absolutes, so therefore truth cannot exist. So to them I have a couple of questions. Could they explain gravity? Could they tell me how the solar system works? How about the function and activity of our human bodies?<br /><br />I'm sorry but the only answers to these questions are absolute answers. Proof again that truth exists.<br /><br />Truth and lies, lies and truth. They both exist and because of sin, brought on by the fall of man (Gen. 3), they can exist in the same space. AKA my heart.<br /><br />The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who can understand it. (Jer. 17:9) I have hidden God's word in my heart that I might not sin against God. (Ps. 119:11)<br /><br />Truth and lies living together in my heart. This can cause confusion, pain and ultimately a desperate need for Jesus. I want so badly for truth to win out in my heart. But the lies are forever working to destroy me.<br /><br />This past week as I was searching for God, I was asking for his presence to show up in my life. I wanted him to be amazing. I would have loved fireworks and a large banner.<br /><br />But He showed up in words. The words of my friends. They spoke their heart in words. The words spoke of how wonderful I was, how loving and special I am. Words that to me sounded like lies.<br /><br />I didn't see the truth in them, and I most certainly did not see God in them. These words actually depressed me. Because I thought that these people that I loved were lying to me.<br /><br />Then God brought a shot of truth to my seeking heart. These words were not lies. This is the way that God sees me. These words were an expression of His mighty and powerful love for me. These words were not the lies.<br /><br />The lies were words spoken to me in my past, which I have used as filters for all words since. These lies, that I believed, told me that I was ugly, useless, wrong and out of place- no matter where I was. These were careless words of people from my past. They, God revealed to me, were the lies that I needed to let go.<br /><br />So much truth revealed so many lies. All of which is in my heart.<br /><br />When one exposes lies they can have one of two reactions. One-you can blow the away and out of your life with truth and God's love. Or Two- You can expose them and never attack them with truth. So they stay put and never leave you.<br /><br />You always have a choice when addressing lies. Are you going to allow lies to continue to rule your heart and invade your space? Or are you going to attack with the truth (all of the truth) and gain your territory back?<br /><br />Truth is harder, riskier, and probably more painful up front. But in the long run those lies have the ability to ruin everything in you. Painlessly and deceptively eating away at your heart.<br /><br />Truth in the long run is a healthy heart, a peaceful soul and a mind that is far beyond understanding. It stands up to lies. It defeats lies. I’m not sure which you are more comfortable with choosing. Even though I know it might be more painful right now, I'm choosing truth. May God speak truth forever more to my heart.<br /><div></div><br /><div>August 2005</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-91543048670724841122008-03-20T13:59:00.004-04:002008-03-20T14:55:58.754-04:00Intimacy<a href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/R-KyvVF0gdI/AAAAAAAAABU/fhxI6gdOkxU/s1600-h/LBV2TCA6NT5Y7CAQDTQFYCAL63AXQCANAF34ECAT8OH05CA4QQCLVCADTLD41CAV57N0DCAVDS62SCA5TG3Z8CAM12SKGCAVY4WN9CA0K1SH1CAXAHBJNCA1VSHRNCA33LDFVCA0OEZGJCAQSKZ2GCA10VS93.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179899047614644690" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/R-KyvVF0gdI/AAAAAAAAABU/fhxI6gdOkxU/s320/LBV2TCA6NT5Y7CAQDTQFYCAL63AXQCANAF34ECAT8OH05CA4QQCLVCADTLD41CAV57N0DCAVDS62SCA5TG3Z8CAM12SKGCAVY4WN9CA0K1SH1CAXAHBJNCA1VSHRNCA33LDFVCA0OEZGJCAQSKZ2GCA10VS93.jpg" border="0" /></a> Be intimate with me! Be intimate with me! That is the cry I hear in my heart, my soul, and my spirit.<br /><br />Jesus calling me into intimacy. Intimacy with Jesus is a scary place to be. Actually like any relationship intimacy is scary. The definition alone tells you why: Most private or personal, very close or familiar, deep and thorough. Jesus wants the most private parts of my life. He wants to be close to me. He wants the deep heart and He wants to be thorough and familiar to me.<br /><br />Yikes! All those places I keep hidden, He's already seen them. He wants permission and freedom to be there again. He wants my soul lain out and bare before Him. How painful!<br /><br />Any relationship that becomes intimate is risky because it requires sacrifice and openness on both ends. Belief that if I lay out my deepest parts they are safe and secure. Plus, the assurance that the other persons are out there too. Security in each other's closeness. Intimacy requires trust.<br /><br />Trust is dependant on honesty. Honesty is dependant on… well, your willingness to tell the truth. Truth. Relationships, especially intimate ones, are based on truth.<br /><br />So if Jesus is calling me to a place of intimacy – He's calling me to a place of truth. No more lies and convenience of spinning the truth my way. But plain, cold hard facts.<br /><br />Maybe that's why intimacy is so hard. Truth is revealing and very difficult to handle sometimes. Especially when it comes to someone we love pointing out something in our lives that is not so great. Painful, because lies are easier, and truth cuts to the heart.<br /><br />But you see, Jesus is calling me to intimacy and I have to answer Him. Yes or No? Intimacy- as we've already discussed is not a one-way street. It's risky on both sides.<br /><br />But with Jesus it's different. He's already seen my heart, my soul, and my deepest, darkest place. He's already laid everything out there for me. He even sacrificed His life, His heart spilled out and His body broken…. all for the chance to be intimate with me!<br /><br />My deepest parts are safe with Him because He created them. He knows my name. He planned out my life and He's even counted the hairs on my head.<br />The choice to be made here is not whether I'm safe or not. It's not even a choice of revealing myself. The choice is whether I trust Him or not. The choice is whether I can be honest with Him or not. The choice is do I want to deal with the truth… or lies?<br /><br />Jesus is persistent and faithful. I am flimsy and unfaithful. The risk is more on His side than mine. He knows the truth and I only deny it. He has written the truth and I ignore it. He is the truth and I defy Him.<br /><br />So, the choice to be made and the calling to be answered. If He could place His life down only to be denied, ignored and defied… then I can surely lay my heart down to be loved, cared for and adored. My only risk is in growing, which can be painful… but the joy of being with my Savior…as intimate lovers for eternity…what a priceless deal!!! <div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>June 2005</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3005850990153935517.post-70127131145040238812008-03-20T13:57:00.003-04:002008-03-20T14:34:35.460-04:00Impact VS. Impress<a href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/R-KspFF0gZI/AAAAAAAAAA0/F9KaEevohqA/s1600-h/FP4QTCA2XRUKICA199XFZCAZAAC6QCAJC6S1WCA8WCSXRCA3U7YURCAJ691OXCAI30DD8CAULKH28CA1A4LIKCAL7KYE3CAR6V1TDCA5OI02XCAB7Y0ASCANJQ82SCAMYP1Q9CA5SV6CJCANBTGJSCAKMA3DC.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179892343170695570" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_Oj9ZTpfIA1U/R-KspFF0gZI/AAAAAAAAAA0/F9KaEevohqA/s320/FP4QTCA2XRUKICA199XFZCAZAAC6QCAJC6S1WCA8WCSXRCA3U7YURCAJ691OXCAI30DD8CAULKH28CA1A4LIKCAL7KYE3CAR6V1TDCA5OI02XCAB7Y0ASCANJQ82SCAMYP1Q9CA5SV6CJCANBTGJSCAKMA3DC.jpg" border="0" /></a> When I was a young teenager at a Christian Camp the speaker taught this lesson: "Which life are you living? A life to impress others for a moment or a life that impacts others for eternity?"<br /><br />This question has been brought to my mind a lot lately as I've been forced to face my immortality. A friend of mine died this past week. A time of true sorrow, hurt and then reflection.<br /><br />His life was full of impact. A group of us were reflecting on how he loved full body impact when he was healthy. And his love of wrestling, whether with the truth of God's word, or with his buddies at bible study. He loved to wrestle and play, but he was also full of spiritual impact. The kind that lasts for eternity.<br /><br />Matt was only 26. Young, healthy, and full of life. He had been in the Navy and he served our country well. It was during his time serving our country that he found Jesus.<br /><br />He was on fire; he loved to challenge people in their faith. Matt worked with kids (including my brother) and he loved them, taught them, and when needed, wrestled them. He impacted them. He came to our group and did the same thing- always challenging us in the way we thought about things. Matt was quick with humor and quoting Proverbs 18:6- his "solution" to every problem.<br /><br />Then seven months ago the diagnosis was cancer. Mouth cancer. A disease that made no sense to a person like Matt. He never smoked, and he wasn't around smoke. Mouth cancer? This cancer was so rare and advanced that it even had the doctors baffled. Why did he have this disease?<br /><br />As time went on and the pain and disease got worse- Matt and his fire for Jesus got hotter. He thought he was failing. Not doing well enough in this fight for joy, peace and to be an example. He was wrong.<br /><br />In my life alone, he reminded me of living life to the fullest, of obeying God immediately- even when nothing makes sense, and prayer- he reminded, taught and showed me how important prayer is. These are life changing, huge lessons to be taught. He impacted my life for eternity.<br /><br />The crazy part is, he probably never even had a clue. The Holy Spirit was working overtime in a willing vessel. Matt was sick, but he had a huge desire to show Christ off, to witness to those around him and to love Christ more. A beautiful combination to impact hundreds- if not thousands for eternity.<br /><br />I've been a Christian for over 20 years. I've been to church all my life. I've asked a lot of questions, and I've even (by the grace and mercy of Jesus) led a few people to the Lord. I've sung in churches, and taught lessons in church. But I don't think I've ever impacted anyone. Impressed? Maybe- but not impacted.<br /><br />Life to impress is easy. All you need is to hold a title or two have the Christian lingo down pat and maybe even have the wardrobe and attitude to match. Have you ever been impressed? I'm sure with the short list of my Christian portfolio I looked a little impressive. But I'm telling you impressive is not our goal. (Phil. 2:3)<br /><br />Even Jesus didn't try to impress anyone. He came to impact a world with truth, to set them free. He changed everything by defying what the world called impressive. He called the impressive hypocrites and the unimpressive saints. He impacted eternity. Paying for it with His life. He was willing to give it all for those He loved. (By the way that's you and me.)<br /><br />That speaker, whoever he was, impacted my heart as a teenager. Not by the man, but by the words of truth that he spoke. The message he was willing to bring to a group of kids. He was a willing vessel.<br /><br />Matt again has impacted my heart. Not so much the man, but the willingness to lay everything down for the sake of God's glory. Another willing vessel.<br /><br />Impressive is nice for a moment. However, impressive does not gain rewards, satisfaction, or growth. It's shallow and meaningless.<br /><br />Impact is hard. It demands a life of sacrifice. Willingness to be a used vessel, and not for yourself. And probably a lot of pain. But the rewards in heaven, the satisfaction of life in Jesus and the growth in the Spirit… what a powerful, joyous and humbling life that would be!<br /><br />I already have the impressive down. I can only hope and pray that God would use me to impact even one life for eternity. What a humbling and exciting thought.<br /><br />The question that was asked of a group of teenagers, many years ago was this: Which life are you living? A life to impress others for a moment, or a life to impact others for eternity?<br /><br />What is your answer?<br /><br />July 2005Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0